Unconditional

I want to learn to love myself
I really really do

I want to learn to strut
Not combust
Comfortably in each limb.

Yet I can’t help but feel
An unnatural sensation.
That friction between my thighs
That rubs my skin dry.

Then I touch my collarbone,
Unsure of what to feel.
The meaty flesh blankets my bone
So I lift my shoulders and tighten my neck like a
Frog
To restrike and feel where my little hueso went.

I sew my mouth shut,
Now I’m immune to bloating like
A cadaver.
But still I grow, there is
Nothing for me to love
Until I see my thin feet.

So what if I’m vindictive?
So what if I care?
So what if I’d like a short pump pair of Jimmy
Choos?
They make me sing
Like yadda yiddle doo

Doo yiddle yadda like it covers ennui
Repels it from settling
On we, yes indeed.

I giggle to imagine
Seeing a vision of me small and lithe,
Easier to adore myself if there is not
Such a large circumference to inspect.

I’m close to loving myself
I really really believe
It would be easier if there was only
Half of me.

 

Alyssa Fernandezpoem